When I first started this journey of opening my heart, I was almost immediately hit with the other side of having an open heart, the suffering side. When we open ourselves up to the whole spectrum of feeling, the whole encompassing feeling of love and happiness, of gratitude and joy, we also open ourselves to the opposite, the suffering.
To know great love is to also know great suffering. Because they are one in the same.
Thich Nhat Hanh says that, “the art of happiness is also the art of suffering as well. When we learn to acknowledge, embrace, and understand our suffering, we suffer much less.” We cannot run away from suffering, because it is what teaches us how to love fully, with our whole hearts. Our suffering becomes our greatest teacher.
Not to say that you have to or even can appreciate the suffering in the moment. Sometimes in the moment the pain is so great it can feel like it is pulling you into the pits of despair. But when we take the time to not avoid this feeling, when we can take the time and energy to tend to these pains, we can learn how to hold our own hands and simply let these moments pass. All feelings pass over us if we let them (we have to let them go at some point). Leaning into our own suffering, embracing this challenging part of self, and holding space for ourselves, are the ways that we learn to love ourselves. Self-love is built on a foundation of compassion and of understanding. The understanding that we are human, we will feel the good, the bad, and the ugly. AND what a joy it is to be fully connected to life in such a way.
“If we take care of the suffering inside us, we have more clarity, energy, and strength to help address the suffering violence, poverty, and inequity of our loved ones as well as the suffering in our community and the world. If, however, we are preoccupied with the fear and despair in us, we can't help remove the suffering of others. There is an art to suffering well. If we know how to take care of our suffering, we not only suffer much, much less, we also create more happiness around us and in the world.”
It is such an act of defiance, in a world that begs us to be separate from ourselves and each other, to open our hearts fully and embrace love. The more I have learned to love myself, the more I have learned how much I love you.
(The quotes are from a book called No Mud No Lotus by Thich Nhat Hanh)
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